nice guy j-curve model

The Nice Guy J-Curve Economic Model

Theory: The ‘nicer’ you are, the more your demand from the opposite sex diminishes.

Theory: The good ones are always taken. Often confused with: If you are taken than you are a good one. This is a common fallacy in reasoning. Effect does not equal cause.

As a disclaimer I need to explicitly say that there are guys out there who think they are nice, good guys; they are delusional about being a good catch. No. You. Are. Not. A. Nice. Guy. You also suck as a boyfriend. That being said....

Are you a ‘nice guy’ who doesn’t have a job or bounces from job to job (okay I know times are tough, but you know what I’m talking about), who asks but is hesitant to give, who lives at home in his late twenties for NO good reason? Have you ever held a job for longer than a year? Do you play video games ALL the time? Do you expect more from your mate than you are willing to give? When is the last time you lied to/ditched your girlfriend so you could hang out with your friends? When is the last time you went out of your way to do something that would make her smile?

Guess what. If this is you, you are well, what my father kindly refers to as a loser. Sure you may be nice, but you are also unmotivated and pay more attention to your video game than you do the hot naked girl who loves you standing to your right. You prolly also have no romantic sense and would never do anything out of your way for a girl you really want. Sure you don’t cheat on her and you do the typical boyfriend stuff of meeting her family and friends, but that doesn’t make you a catch. And to me, that sure as hell does not make you a ‘nice guy.’

To me, a ‘nice guy’ is someone who is self sacrificing. Someone who opens doors for his girl. Someone who is the first to give up his seat on the bus. Someone who cleans your dishes and makes your bed when you leave for school/work in the morning. A guy who offers before you ask. Someone who is confident. A guy who knows what is important to you and of course, a guy who makes you feel special and respects you.

Maybe that’s pretty specific. That’s okay because this is my blog.

Correlate: Nice ~ Sweet.

Second. Women do not want pushovers. This idea of nice guys finishing last is really pushovers finishing last. And you know why they finish last? Because they are pushovers. No wo-man wants a pushover. That’s not a relationship. So before you whine and cry about being left behind, ask yourself, did you grow a pair?

Also, I know a fair amount of women who have gone after ‘nice guys.’ And I definitely know nice guys who girls flirt with and maybe even throw themselves at, you know why? Because he’s a catch and girls want that, and they can smell it and they will go after it.

Evolution will back me up because another quality of nice guys: they will be good fathers. A woman wants a man who will stick around and take care of the babies. No one wants the father of their children to be a deadbeat.

Having problems getting girls? Well, did you ever ask yourself if you’re going after nice girls? Maybe nice girls suffer from the same syndrome. There are always guys who go after, what I will say more liberal girls. And I’ve heard more than one conversation wondering why a guy would ever value these “liberal” things and choose make her his a girlfriend. It happens both ways. Don't be the kettle calling the pot black.

I guess the bottom line is: what is your bottom line?

You have control over your happiness and love life.

If you are a nice guy who can’t seem to get a girl, I have one question for you: Have you done everything possible in your power to win this girl over? I’m guessing no. Case in point: I know a seemingly nice relationship type of guy who to win a girl that was considered way out of his league, he took this girl in a hot air balloon for first date. I know right?

To both nice girls and nice boys, if you haven’t done everything than you have two options:

1. Do everything to get the person you want.

2. Get over it. If you aren’t willing to do everything for love, than I kinda don’t wanna hear it.

So let’s look at the casual factors:

nice guy /= finish last

pushover = finish last

Of course, we must take into account the age (and thereby wisdom and experience of each sex) in the model.

Because I enjoy the company of men who have grown a pair, I don’t want a loser. I don’t want a pushover. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say most women would agree.

Do you consider yourself a nice guy? What qualifications do you measure this by? Please don't be one of those people who expect things from a person in a relationship but are never willing to offer those same standards to the opposite sex. i.e., boy wants a girl with a hot bod, well, how hot is your bod? If you want something out of a relationship you need to be willing to offer that same quality, characteristic, etc.

My personal relationship philosophy right now: I refuse, absolutely refuse, to settle into a committed relationship with a guy unless he exceeds my expectations.

It is of my humble opinion that you adapt something similar. It helps keep things in perspective. I mean having fun is one thing, but boyfriend material soooo on a different level.

Here's the j-curve. You will notice that the opposite sex wanting nice guys starts higher with a younger age, decreaes throughout adolescents/young adults, and finally rises again with an increase of age.

a revelation

This morning in the shower I had an epiphany.

With all my talk about making the same mistakes over and yadda yadda yadda...

I realized in the middle of washing my hair and massaging my brain that maybe, just maybe I still want to be able to make mistakes.

Maybe I actually want to keep making mistakes.

Maybe I want to hold on the the naivety of youth. Maybe I want to see only possibilities where I now see so many limitations.

Maybe I want to be the teenage girl I've never been and be boy crazy.

Maybe I want to believe that anything is possible! That every situation around the corner has the possibility of love, or at the very least life-changing-friendship -making-my-life-worth-while-possibilities. Maybe I want to make mistakes and learn from them. And maybe I just might want to use these learning experiences to make me a better person--for myself and for my future lovers.

I'd love to hold on to youth's child-like belief that everything happens for a reason.

...

There are a lot of maybes in this blog. And that's okay. Because I don't always have to know what I want. And a woman always reserves her prerogative to change her mind whenever she sees fit. Maybe tomorrow I'll re-calssify the types of mistakes I'm allowed to make, or make at all.

The truth is, I'm not ready to settle down. And if I'm not ready to settle down, then I'm not ready to give up on making mistakes.

So, here's to (for the time being) equating mistakes with living.

(a few) Mistakes Men Make (and don't realize)

I have been thinking about doing a blog like this for a while. Then the other day , I came across this big blog (which will remain nameless), that is specifically written from a man's perspective. This blog has several authors, some of them single, often offering dating advice. Mostly, what I read on their site I think is total bullshit. Especially when it came to reading their dating mistakes. Did they even talk to women to get their opinion on the subject? What makes you think you know what a woman wants? You. Are. A. Man. You are worse than cosmo which consistently and relentlessly tells a woman that the key to any good relationship is a bikini wax and this new level five kama sutra move.

So here is (the beginning of) my take on guy's dating mistakes. Taken from empirical evidence. Feel free to add to the list, I know I will.

1. "I don't dance."

Scene: Bar. Music. People slightly buzzed. Girl approaches boy. Touches his arm. Playfully asks him to dance while (most likely) smiling and, at least attempting to give him "the look." Boy, hesitates, begins thinking about touching her hip and getting close to her on the dance floor. Gets a little excited about the possibility of a close proximity of body bumping. Responds: "Uh... I don't dance."

Reality: Boy tells girl he doesn't dance because he is afraid of how he will look. (Duh.)

Flash forward to same girl. Same guy. Same attraction and flirty innuendos. Girl sees you dancing with another girl.

Yes, maybe you are embarrassed by your moves on the dance floor. And maybe now you have had a sufficient number of drinks to be brave. Maybe she will understand that you need to be drunk to dance, but it's still kinda offensive to turn down a girl to dance when you are interested in her. In fact, this just makes me think a guy is not interested in me whatsoever. Also, I can't think of any girl who has ever stopped being interested in a guy because of his moves on the floor. In all honestly, it might be bad, but I'm sure it's not that bad. And often times when you already like a guy, anything dorky he does, like dancing, is just endearing and not embarrassing.

Tip: Instead of turning the girl down, why don't you be playful and admit you don't know how to dance than say, "I'll only dance with you if you teach me how." If she's interested in you, she will take you up on this challenge.

2. Waiting 15-20 minutes to respond to EVERY text. EVER.

Really? Swingers was literally over a decade ago. Get over the three-day-rule; 15-minute-texting rule. If you are like most guys of this up-and-coming generation, than you prefer to peruse relationships through text messages. (I disagree with this and wonder all the time, why can't a guy just pick up the damn phone.) Fine. I will give you whatever level of comfortableness you need in order to get to know a girl better. (But I don't have to love it.) However, if this is your chosen route, it is really hard to get into a good grove of texting conversation when you only respond every 15-20 minutes. Sure, maybe you legitimately have something going on. Well then, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to all the seemingly too-cool guys out there. Stop. If you can't even give me consistently a few minutes of texting time, then you are not worth my time.

3. Who taught you that move? =dealbreaker

When I was in college I didn't really pay attention to the lack of creativity or lack of a man's balls to just make a move. But the next time a guy uses the move of a) asserting his manliness and showing me how big and strong he is; and b) needing an excuse to touch me and hope that it will lead to something, I am going to call dealbreaker. What move am I talking about, you ask? The good ol' "let me show her some self-defense move." Reaallly. Because I need you to show me, the damsel in distress, how to take care of myself. Did I ask for you karate-self-defense moves? No. Do I want you to show me how easy it is for you to hold me down or choke me? Hell no.

4. Phone calls.

When a guy says he will call and doesn't. Too easy? Of course there is a point in every relationship where a boyfriend doesn't always have to call back or call right when he says so. This is about relationships that are just beginning to form. No this isn't about being that girl waiting by the phone, hoping a guy will call or about being a perfectionist and bitching about every little slip up. This is about being important enough for a guy to call you when he says he will call. Bottom line. In this particular day and age with texting and chatting being so much of the social interaction, which isn't face-to-face or even voice-to-voice, a phone call seems to mean more than it once did. Which can lead to an even greater disappointment for a girl when they guy decides he won't call. Key word: decide. Because that's what it comes off as. What made him change his mind? What made him decide not to call? I hate to get all 'He's just not that into you' but, if you were on his mind, wouldn't he remember to call? So that's how it's viewed. That's where disappointment stems from: the thought that it was a conscious decision not to call.

5. You know what I want in bed.

You don't. Don't assume. Ask. And pay attention to where I'm moving your hands. Or how my body shakes when you do something right. Body Language! Also, you don't know anything about vibrators. It's not just the vibration that makes it more intense. It's the fact that I can play out my own fantasy, it's about the fact that I'm with someone who knows exactly what I want--me. Listen to my body, and when in doubt ASK. There is something very attractive about a man who is open to learning what exactly it is that will bring me pleasure.

6. Confusing "I'm busy" with "I'm not interested."

You either hit on a girl because you think she is interested or because you are interested in her. If it's the former, listen to your instincts. Maybe she really is busy. People do things and have busy lives, it's very plausible. Don't act so butt-hurt because she can't/refuses to change her life around you for some guy she doesn't know. Be patient. Ask her to make you an offer; if she's interested she will.

a single girl's pledge

Time to time I am forced to reevaluate my self-imposed relationship rules. Whether by opportunity or by choice, reevaluating give me the chance to qualify the most recent circumstances in my life and also gives me a chance to see where I stand with myself.

I have never been the type of girl to be in a relationship just for the sake of not being single. I LOVE being single. I like having my big bed to myself every night of the week and unless it's with my pillow, I don't like cuddling all night long. I believe the secret to a great long-lasting marriage is separate rooms (or at least separate beds).

It took me until my mid-twenties to be comfortable with the word boyfriend. It took me until my senior year of college to not freak out when a guy wanted to hold my hand. And it took me until my twenty-fifth year to realize that I will not enter another relationship unless you can exceed my expectations.

I am the type of forward girl who will let a guy know exactly what I want and expect from him. No grey areas. If I want to be in a relationship with you, I'm going to let you know before anything major happens. Of course, the negative converse of this, is that if I don't bring up the relationship question, than well, I don't consider you boyfriend material. I mean, I'm sure you're good for someone else...

What does this mean? This means that although I might entertain the idea of casually dating you, I make a very distinct line between boyfriend material and non-boyfriend material. And even my non-boyfriend material type of guy has high standards.

For me, that means I don't mind having date nights with my 'mos and Bill Maher. It means going out and enjoying myself and not worrying about if my guy will get jealous because I like to dance. It means not playing games, but being honest and fun loving. It means not worrying what some dude is going to think if I do or do not act a certain way around him. It means my happiness is dependent on myself, not someone else. For me, being single and not settling means having some of the best sex I've ever had ---with myself.

For all you taken people, here's a glass to you. Here's for not settling and being with an amazing person who treats you right and gives you what you deserve.

For the rest of us, join me in my pledge to honor and respect ourselves. To not settle for less than we deserve.

Here is my pledge to remain single unless you can exceed my expectations. I dare you.

long run vs. short run happiness

I am at that age where my cost benefit analysis of happiness is focused on maximizing long term performance outputs.

Lately, though, I’m wondering if I am just living in the future.

And is living in the future any way to live?

How is my focus affecting my short term happiness?

I wonder....

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have low risk aversion on short term happiness when I am unsure of future outcomes. Strange. I would expect that my risk aversion would positively increase with a higher uncertainty of return.

So can I trick myself into being unsure about future outputs in order to “live” more?

In order to fully answer this question, I feel like I need to understand why I am focusing on my long run happiness instead of short run.

Is it because I think I’m going to live a long time?

Is an underlining assumption that I am going to find ‘the one’ later on in life?

Is focusing on short run happiness or long run happiness better than the other?

To me, it seems that short run is (oviously) fleeting. I also feel like short run is more unstable. There’s not much of an investment, so there’s not much of a return. Or so I think. I know this isn’t true. I know that any investments into short run happiness can return as much, if not more, than long term investment.

Additionally,

And where are these long term investments leading me.... to the ghosts of sunk costs.

Let’s say I was laying groundwork for a good stable relationship over the past year. It is day 366 and I am looking at my happiness return. Is that right to expect returns on my happiness based on my emotional investment over the past year?

Let’s assume that I am not happy on day 366 with my investment return. Then day 1-365 is just a sunk cost. That sunk cost motherfucker.

Now, let’s assume that I am happy (or satisfied) on day 366 with my return of putting one year into the relationship. Than day 1-365 is not a sunk cost. Of course the obvious answer to this, is to keep investing until the return is no longer sufficient or greater than my perceived investment. But by investing in the long-run I am assuming an expected pay off. What if there is no pay off?

Where is all this leading? Short run, long run? Middle run?

I can only conclude that I should focus on short term happiness. Because I am never going to know when my emotional investment and time is going to bite me in the ass and become a sunk cost.

"Humans are cowards in the face of happiness."

defying gravity.

I keep saying I am not going to make the same mistakes anymore. I am twenty-six years old for goodness sakes, and a month away from twenty-seven and ghastly approaching thirty.

Mistake after mistake after mistake. And then I realized I will probably look at everything until I meet ‘the one’ (or the first one) as a mistake.

Isn’t there an easier way?

It’s easy to look back at a situation and qualify where things went wrong (at least for me I have the compulsive need to qualify). I want to be free and make no well thought out decisions. I want to throw logic out the door and let feelings lead the way. I want to be impulsive. Instead, based on past experiences I make self-imposed rules/barriers in order to minimize relationship suckiness and exposure to douchebags.

History tells me that impulsiveness is not often rewarded (or its reward are perceived as so much more fleeting). So I:

1. Decide what I want.

2. Look at the pros and cons, way the expected outcomes (his wants vs. my wants) and see if it is worth the risk.

3a. Go after what I want or

3b. Decided it’s not worth the risk or time. Or change my mind. Bottom line: move on. Start from scratch. (I’ll pretty much be over it five minutes later.)

And here’s the kicker. As someone who was raised by one pessimist (and as someone who has dated less than stellar dudes), I always picture (near) worse possible outcomes. I’d like to say I do this to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Only, if I’m being really honest with myself when it comes to personal relationships, I’m not so good at hoping for the best. As endings go, it’s really just so much easier to paint every guy asshole. This doesn’t make me bitter or crazy. Really, it’s just based on past experiences. What can I learn from making the same mistake over and over except not to make that mistake? Of course, this is assuming certain decisions/actions are to blame for causing the mistake. Therefore cut those decisions/actions and wah-lah no mistakes, right? And yes, not every relationship has been horrible and I’ve dated more than one worthy guy….. but when it comes to envisioning a relationship, it’s sometimes easier to see the toad than the prince. Which is not completely my fault. Overall, guys are not romantic. They are not waiting in the wings to sweep me off my feet. They are not delivering roses or standing outside my window blasting 80s music. Pretty much, Disney lied.

So the question now becomes, not how do I not make the same mistakes by dating the same less than deserving guy, but how do I let myself believe that he might not completely turn into a motherfucker? Or, at the very least, how do I let myself believe, that whatever happens, it was worth it?

It’s not a question about a happily ever after ending. It’s a question of anything less than a horrible ending.

Where’s the balance? Taking it slow. First, do people really do that? Second, I want to follow my feelings! (I want to have feelings.) I don’t want rules dictating how to feel at a certain point of any relationship.

I really feel that it’s more about trusting myself. I’ve never thought that love existed in absolute terms. I always believed that love, as energy, cannot be destroyed. I’ve always valued the journey over the destination. And I always believed it’s better to have loved and lost than to ever have loved at all. Annnnnd really, relationships kinda make me uncomfortable (buuut that might be based more on the fact that I get myself into relationships I don’t want to be in).

Since I was a young adult, I’ve have tried to avoid looking in my life and seeing absences of love, but instead remembering all the love that’s come and gone throughout my life and be happy.

I need to remind myself of this. And recalculate cost & benefits, placing a heavier emphasis on the value of the potential outcome.

Maybe that’s where my new journey begins. I’ve loved and lost before. And I’ve always believed that that love, as short or long as it lasted, should be able to carry me through life. It’s shouldn’t be about the fact that the relationship ended, or how it ended, but the excitement and feelings that entrapped your senses and allowed you to be vulnerable, melt with and explode beside this person.

For me, it’s not about finding a soul mate or even a life partner. It’s about maximizing beautifully-filled, love-inspired experiences. It’s about feeling. Letting yourself drop into the blissfulness of infatuation with life. To experience the joy of living best by letting the universe envelope you in love’s ecstasy. To be love’s naïve teenager. Let’s be less thought full. Let’s be more artistic.

“The more I think about it, the more I realize there is nothing more artistic than to love others.” -Vincent van Gogh

**I feel like it’s necessary to place a disclaimer about my use of the word love. It’s not used enough in life. I have many loves. And I believe in a sense, throwing the word around, telling people you care about and are grateful for in your life that you love them. Maybe the fact that I’ve been referred to as hippie when it comes to love explains it best. (But let’s be adults people, I’m not talking about orgies or unprotected drugged up sex.)

xoxo

what are your deal breakers?

anyone 30 rock fans? love the show. so then you recognize: "another successful interaction with a man!" -liz lemon. of course, ir wasn't successful. they often aren't.

so i want to know, what are your deal breakers?

Love on Sunk Costs and the Self-Justification Rationalizing Model

Fact: Sunk costs are any resources that have been expended and are sunk because they cannot be regained, no matter what.

Fact: Economists believe that sunk costs should not play a role in our decision making.

My Public Finance/Micro Professor suggests we don’t consider sunk costs in any of our decision making. The example he gave was, I believe, intel or was it Steve jobs? Anyways, one of those companies, the CEO was getting rid of a project like two weeks before it was to launch. Now this was a new product that they had invested a lot of time money and resources in. But the CEO believed it to no longer be useful and beneficial to the market or the company, and instead of justifying going forward because all that has been spent, he shut it down.

Economisits, and some sociologists, argue that people are (mostly) rational individuals. Economists believe that we want to maximize our happiness. Therefore, if we consider sunk costs in our decisions, it can hold us back from obtaining our maximum utility.

We need to start thinking about sunk costs in our lives.

It wasn’t until this past week when I was reading five models of behavior for another class that I realized how applicable the self-justificaton model is to relationships and why we need to start forgetting about sunk costs.

Sunk costs in relationships would include: time and money. Examples: justifying staying together because of how long you have been together, or the fact that you have kids (but are not happy), that you spent money on an engagement, and lastly, because you do not want to admit you made an error in choosing this mate.

“The commitment of self-justification version of the rationalizing model is also at odds with economic conceptions of rational decision making…..Not demonstrating continued commitment to a previously chosen course of action to some extent acknowledges that one has made a decision error. Better to persists and hope that things will turn out all right or that one will be rewarded for the positive attribute of perseverance.”

…. Sound like anyone in a relationship you know? I think we’ve all been there. Maybe if you just imagine it being great, like it might have been in the beginning, maybe if you just picture fairy tales, maybe if you believe in him so that he’ll change….these are self-justification rationalizations about why we are in a relationship with someone.

I think we can all agree that the only reason you should be with someone is because you love them! (and sometimes, that’s not even enough)

I’m guilty of it. We’re all guilty of it. Maybe we justify getting back together with an ex because it’s comfortable, because you can skip the first moments of awkardness and cling to the belief that this person knows you. Or maybe in a weak moment we just want to feel loved (and we believe that an ex has the best potential of making us feel loved).

Except the relationship didn’t work the first time. And the fact that you were already together once does not mean that the relationship has a better chance the second time around (first round relationship = sunk cost).

I’m not saying forget about all ex’s in your life and never talk to them ever again or that the second time around is never better. I’m just saying that you should really examine your sunk costs. Are you still in love with this person?

Or are you embarrassed about admitting to friends and family that you made an error?

The heart knows what it wants. But I don’t think it’s rational to stay with someone you don’t love because you don’t want to be lonely.

All I know for myself is that I don’t want to settle. I shouldn’t have to. No one should. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone where I am rationalizing to myself why I am with this person. Love is love. It grows differently for different people and can take many shapes and forms, but it’s always love. And no one knows more than your own head and heart if you love someone. But if your head is the only one in the relationship, than maybe your relationship is a sunk cost in the general picture of your life happiness.

This model also says we rationalize more when we are getting a perceived loss out of something. For example, in the beginning you thought maybe this will be great and had expectations. But now your expectations have been disappointed. Because you are not getting out of the relationship what you originally thought you would, you begin justifying your commitment.

Of course, love is not rational. But if we, as women, applied these theories to our relationship choices and stopped putting up with shit (because that is NOT rational) than maybe we will finally find a man that deserves us.

We all deserve a chance to be happy and to be loved.

The model also suggests “that people escalate commitment when they do not set a budget and when incremental costs and benefits are difficult to track,”

Now if we take budget= clear standards and expectations/ deal-breakers

Incremental costs= lying, cheating, not treating you how you want to be treated.

The model is telling you to start tracking these things so you will know how much shit you are really putting up with.

As individuals we all need to be very clear what we expect and want out of a partner. Once we have been honest with ourselves it is easier to communicate this with a partner. Now over time you may find yourself in a relationship where you are increasingly unhappy. Where he is not the man you thought or want. Where his little white lies are increasing and he may have been unfaithful. This is where we really need to implement the no sunk cost. As time goes by all these things he has done are building up, but it’s hard to see because it’s gradual—these incremental costs to ourselves are difficult to track.

Of course, “commitment to decisions may make sense and demonstrate persistence in the face of adversity.” None of us are perfect. And we cannot expect our partner to always be perfect, either. And yes, sometimes you just have to wait the tough times out to see the rainbow.

Ask yourself: Am I sticking it out because I want to prove to people that I didn’t make an error and show them all that we have the rainbow still? Or, am I sticking it out because I know I love this person and they are the one I want to be with?

Life is hard. Relationships are hard. I’m not trying to make relationship decisions for everyone out there…I just want people to examine their utility. Is there potential for maximized utility?

Okay, enough with all the econ talk. But really, I see so many young girls out there letting men treat them like shit.

What. The. Fuck. Stopping putting up with it! Do not justify being in a relationship with someone just to prove something (yes this includes proving things to yourself). We all deserve to be treated well. Come up with your bottom line and stick to it, because you deserve better.

No more sunk costs.

speed dating

Someone how serious, somehow jokingly, I kept suggesting to my friend Theresa that we venture out into DC and do some speed dating. One night when I was feeling a little more risky I researched it and found their cost not to be worth my perceived benefit. What's a single graduate school student to do?

Earlier this month Vote DC, an organization to get DC voting representation rights, and Obama Generation held a speed dating fundraiser that was only $10! Not only would I get to speed date but I would get to make a contribution to some good organizations.

Off we went! It took place in a bar basement of a restaurant. The room was a little cramped. Luckily I was by the sliding doors and air conditioner. The men rotate to the girls. There really weren't enough tables for all the guys, so a few would just kind of straggled around waiting for their turn. We were suppose to meet ten people but there was only time for 8. The first guy was nice enough but just sat next to whatever girl he could get to and did not follow the rules. Gross. Are you hunting down women? Really? It was such a turn off. I can't remember any of the other guys beyond that.

There was one guy I met during the rotation and another one I met hanging out afterwards that both asked for my number. At the time they both seemed descent and I thought that I should give them a chance because this is what I came to do...I mean I didn't really expect a love-at-first-sight situation (though a romantic can hope).

To be honest, I would've settled for a I-would-sleep-with-you-now situation...but alas, not even that.

I digress... Boy 1 called me twice I think? The second time he called me at 945 on a Sunday night and I was horribly offended. I was finishing up Quant homework and was getting ready for bed because I get up at 630 in the morning! Now, I know that he prolly thought this was a descent time, but it wasn't. And he blabbered on the whole conversation and we kept having these weird awkward moments of us trying to say something at the same time and him just keep continuing to talk. He finally asked me out for coffee at the end of this convo. I told him that I was really busy this week and had a group project meeting on Sunday and that I didn't think I'd have time. THIS WAS THE TRUTH. He acted all offended, and all I thought was, if you actually listened to the two words I said you would know that I am hella (yes, i went there) busy. Seriously?! Haven't heard from him since, which is fine like I said, he didn't fall into either category above.

Guy 2 tried to be all suave. He was too intense. He asked me out that night in a way that almost made me uncomfortable. Thank God I had Theresa there as an excuse. While we were talking he shallowly tried to connect over the fact that we are both bi-racial. He then spilled word vomit all over me: "I can't tell you how many times I've slept with a girl and the next morning she's been like 'you're the first ____ I've slept with.' " serrrrrrrrrriously?! So not attractive. That does not make me want you more. It makes me want you lesssssssssss. Annnnnnnnd this guy kept calling and leaving messages. Like Hello, McFly, anybody home? I'm not answering or responding to your calls and messages. The last phone call I got from him was at 1045 at night. He was prolly drunk and either cussing me out for not calling or crying. I haven't listened to the message yet. I'm waiting for when I need a pick me up.

And that was my first experience speed dating.

What I re-learned from this.......

Lesson #1 Dealbreaker: I don't know you. I don't care about you. Don't call me after 9pm any night of the week unless we are actually dating and you know my schedule and know: (a) I want to hear your voice or (b) you know you won't be interrupting me. **

**discretion: obviously this does not apply to all my loved ones and family members.

Lesson #2: I need help knowing how to turn guys down! Any ideas? Seriously. I feel bad. Only if the guy is being a jackass to my friend can I really lite a fire. Otherwise, unless he's major douche, I make excuses for his word vomit and hopes he knows the universal sign for me not answering his phone call. *sigh*

The only thing I can think of is giving them my brother's number.

support me in relay for life!

support me in relay for life and YOUR DONATION WILL BE MATCHED!

so your five dollar donation is really a ten dollars. i know times are rough, but we all have five bucks to give, right? and what better way to give five dollars when you know it will be matched by an anonymous georgetown faculty member!

you know you want to!

25 of these annoying things don't apply to me. but i'm a lady, so you'll have to guess...

30 Annoying Things Men Assume About Women

Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry Filed in: guys
10:00AM, Friday February 26th 2010

Comments (152)

I’ll admit it’s hard to complain when a waiter automatically puts the check in front of your date or when “women and children” are evacuated first from a sinking ship. But sometimes it gets really annoying when men assume certain things about women just because we’re women. Sure, these assumptions may apply to some of us, but not the entire gender, across the board. Here are 30 annoying things that men assume about women—they came to mind instantly, because we’re complain-y like that.

Men annoyingly assume ...

1. That you want an egg white omelet, not a regular yokey delicious one, because you must be on a diet.
2. That you can’t parallel park.
3. That you’re in a bad mood because you must be getting your period.
4. That you don’t like manly alcohols like beer and whiskey.
5. That you know nothing about sports.
6. That you can’t operate a power drill.
7. That you own 10 million pairs of shoes.
8. That because you’re a single female, you want a relationship and you obviously want it with them.
9. That you’re a fan of Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon, and Julia Roberts’ movies.
10. That you have an opinion on Edward versus Jacob.
11. That you have strong feelings about anniversaries and Valentine’s Day.
12. That you want kids. Hell, that you even like kids.
13. That you’re obsessed with having a wedding.
14. That you’re already in love with them or that you fell in love with them first.
15. That you think you’re too fat.
16. That you want Diet Coke, light cream cheese, and your dressing on the side.
17. That you’re angry about something because you’re “bitter.”
18. That you always need time to put on makeup or do your hair before you leave the house.
19. That you don’t know anything about putting together Ikea furniture.
20. That you don’t know how to cook a steak properly.
21. That you can’t have sex without feelings involved.
22. That the magazine you want them to bring home for you to read when you are sick in bed is US Weekly.
23. That you hate scary movies.
24. That you’re not into watching porn.
25. That you are magically equipped with the powers of cooking and cleaning and have been since birth.
26. That you know how to sew buttons.
27. That you like “Grey’s Anatomy.”
28. That your pubic hair will always be meticulously groomed.
29. That you can’t appreciate a flat screen TV, comprehensive stereo system, and other “complex” electronic devices.
30. That you won’t want to watch the latest sci-fi, action, or horror movie.

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-30-annoyings-things-men-assume-about-women/

happy peace corps week! uganda 2007-2009

49th Anniversary of the Peace Corps

Hillary Rodham Clinton
Secretary of State

Washington, DC

March 1, 2010

---

Since 1961, the men and women of the Peace Corps have carried forward our finest traditions of service and embodied the United States’ commitment to forging partnerships and solving problems around the world. Today more than 7,600 Peace Corps volunteers from all fifty states serve in 76 countries, putting their skills and efforts to work on behalf of others. They follow in the footsteps of generations of dedicated volunteers whose hard work has changed lives, created new opportunities, and deepened understanding between cultures. Their example has inspired millions of other Americans to serve their communities through organizations here at home such as Americorps and Teach for America. And for many, the Peace Corps has been the start of a life-long commitment to service and engagement with the world. The State Department and USAID are filled with returned Peace Corps volunteers who draw on their experiences to serve our country and help build a more peaceful and prosperous world.
On this anniversary, we honor the nearly 200,000 Americans who have answered the challenge first laid down by John F. Kennedy a half-century ago and volunteered in the Peace Corps. Let us recommit ourselves to the vision they championed, the example they set and the work they began.

being dead inside= evolution?

As I was browsing my guilty pleasure this morning, I stumbled across Leighton Meester's new single entitled "your love is a drug" (it's a pretty good dance song), and began wondering...

the background: Many studies have actually found that love is in fact a drug. The brain responds to the serotonin levels received by interaction with another person. Over time, like drugs, the brain gets addicted to these rushes in chemicals that result in you being in love. So when you break up with someone your brain is literally going through withdrawals. Makes sense right? (We've all been there.)

Some studies hypothesize that these feelings of love were evolution's way of getting the male to stick around, raise his babies and help populate the human race. Of course, this is also the same theory for why men fall asleep after sex.

my pondering: As many of us navigate the sea of love, we may over time, find ourselves to be a little closed off. Constructing a fortress field around our perceived vulnerable hearts. Now, what if said fortress field was evolution's way of helping us survive/cope?

What if 'being dead inside' is our body's evolutionary response at building a tolerance to sexy serotonin so we no longer have to go through such crazy withdrawals next time around? Is that why your first love is always considered the hardest, because there's no tolerance?

Could the lack of produced serotonin explain the commitment issues around relationships? If our brains are not producing (as much) serotonin from the experience, than we're not becoming "addicted" to the person. There's not as much of an investment.

this leads me to: maybe some of us are naturally 'dead inside'?

Gladwell's "The Tipping Point" cited reduced levels of 'ahhh' aka your body reacting to cigarettes and suggesting that some people have a natural (higher) tolerance to things like alcohol and smoking tobacco and hence do no receive the same buzz. Consequently, he argued that some people are predisposed to being addicted to cigarettes because they have a reduced tolerance level. Could this be similar to levels of serotonin in people's brains? Are some of us predisposed to falling in love? Do some of us receive a lighter buzz and therefore, have less of an incentive to fall in love/stick around/make a commitment?

Now maybe the science around this is really science fiction. But I wonder when wanting to find ourselves in the brain of love one day....why is it so hard sometimes to.......feel? Why do other people's break ups seem easier or harder compared to our own?

my last thoughts: What will finally get the walls to come tumbling down, an internal baby clock? Is this nature's back up plan?!

kjhgjhg