what are your deal breakers?

anyone 30 rock fans? love the show. so then you recognize: "another successful interaction with a man!" -liz lemon. of course, ir wasn't successful. they often aren't.

so i want to know, what are your deal breakers?

Love on Sunk Costs and the Self-Justification Rationalizing Model

Fact: Sunk costs are any resources that have been expended and are sunk because they cannot be regained, no matter what.

Fact: Economists believe that sunk costs should not play a role in our decision making.

My Public Finance/Micro Professor suggests we don’t consider sunk costs in any of our decision making. The example he gave was, I believe, intel or was it Steve jobs? Anyways, one of those companies, the CEO was getting rid of a project like two weeks before it was to launch. Now this was a new product that they had invested a lot of time money and resources in. But the CEO believed it to no longer be useful and beneficial to the market or the company, and instead of justifying going forward because all that has been spent, he shut it down.

Economisits, and some sociologists, argue that people are (mostly) rational individuals. Economists believe that we want to maximize our happiness. Therefore, if we consider sunk costs in our decisions, it can hold us back from obtaining our maximum utility.

We need to start thinking about sunk costs in our lives.

It wasn’t until this past week when I was reading five models of behavior for another class that I realized how applicable the self-justificaton model is to relationships and why we need to start forgetting about sunk costs.

Sunk costs in relationships would include: time and money. Examples: justifying staying together because of how long you have been together, or the fact that you have kids (but are not happy), that you spent money on an engagement, and lastly, because you do not want to admit you made an error in choosing this mate.

“The commitment of self-justification version of the rationalizing model is also at odds with economic conceptions of rational decision making…..Not demonstrating continued commitment to a previously chosen course of action to some extent acknowledges that one has made a decision error. Better to persists and hope that things will turn out all right or that one will be rewarded for the positive attribute of perseverance.”

…. Sound like anyone in a relationship you know? I think we’ve all been there. Maybe if you just imagine it being great, like it might have been in the beginning, maybe if you just picture fairy tales, maybe if you believe in him so that he’ll change….these are self-justification rationalizations about why we are in a relationship with someone.

I think we can all agree that the only reason you should be with someone is because you love them! (and sometimes, that’s not even enough)

I’m guilty of it. We’re all guilty of it. Maybe we justify getting back together with an ex because it’s comfortable, because you can skip the first moments of awkardness and cling to the belief that this person knows you. Or maybe in a weak moment we just want to feel loved (and we believe that an ex has the best potential of making us feel loved).

Except the relationship didn’t work the first time. And the fact that you were already together once does not mean that the relationship has a better chance the second time around (first round relationship = sunk cost).

I’m not saying forget about all ex’s in your life and never talk to them ever again or that the second time around is never better. I’m just saying that you should really examine your sunk costs. Are you still in love with this person?

Or are you embarrassed about admitting to friends and family that you made an error?

The heart knows what it wants. But I don’t think it’s rational to stay with someone you don’t love because you don’t want to be lonely.

All I know for myself is that I don’t want to settle. I shouldn’t have to. No one should. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone where I am rationalizing to myself why I am with this person. Love is love. It grows differently for different people and can take many shapes and forms, but it’s always love. And no one knows more than your own head and heart if you love someone. But if your head is the only one in the relationship, than maybe your relationship is a sunk cost in the general picture of your life happiness.

This model also says we rationalize more when we are getting a perceived loss out of something. For example, in the beginning you thought maybe this will be great and had expectations. But now your expectations have been disappointed. Because you are not getting out of the relationship what you originally thought you would, you begin justifying your commitment.

Of course, love is not rational. But if we, as women, applied these theories to our relationship choices and stopped putting up with shit (because that is NOT rational) than maybe we will finally find a man that deserves us.

We all deserve a chance to be happy and to be loved.

The model also suggests “that people escalate commitment when they do not set a budget and when incremental costs and benefits are difficult to track,”

Now if we take budget= clear standards and expectations/ deal-breakers

Incremental costs= lying, cheating, not treating you how you want to be treated.

The model is telling you to start tracking these things so you will know how much shit you are really putting up with.

As individuals we all need to be very clear what we expect and want out of a partner. Once we have been honest with ourselves it is easier to communicate this with a partner. Now over time you may find yourself in a relationship where you are increasingly unhappy. Where he is not the man you thought or want. Where his little white lies are increasing and he may have been unfaithful. This is where we really need to implement the no sunk cost. As time goes by all these things he has done are building up, but it’s hard to see because it’s gradual—these incremental costs to ourselves are difficult to track.

Of course, “commitment to decisions may make sense and demonstrate persistence in the face of adversity.” None of us are perfect. And we cannot expect our partner to always be perfect, either. And yes, sometimes you just have to wait the tough times out to see the rainbow.

Ask yourself: Am I sticking it out because I want to prove to people that I didn’t make an error and show them all that we have the rainbow still? Or, am I sticking it out because I know I love this person and they are the one I want to be with?

Life is hard. Relationships are hard. I’m not trying to make relationship decisions for everyone out there…I just want people to examine their utility. Is there potential for maximized utility?

Okay, enough with all the econ talk. But really, I see so many young girls out there letting men treat them like shit.

What. The. Fuck. Stopping putting up with it! Do not justify being in a relationship with someone just to prove something (yes this includes proving things to yourself). We all deserve to be treated well. Come up with your bottom line and stick to it, because you deserve better.

No more sunk costs.

speed dating

Someone how serious, somehow jokingly, I kept suggesting to my friend Theresa that we venture out into DC and do some speed dating. One night when I was feeling a little more risky I researched it and found their cost not to be worth my perceived benefit. What's a single graduate school student to do?

Earlier this month Vote DC, an organization to get DC voting representation rights, and Obama Generation held a speed dating fundraiser that was only $10! Not only would I get to speed date but I would get to make a contribution to some good organizations.

Off we went! It took place in a bar basement of a restaurant. The room was a little cramped. Luckily I was by the sliding doors and air conditioner. The men rotate to the girls. There really weren't enough tables for all the guys, so a few would just kind of straggled around waiting for their turn. We were suppose to meet ten people but there was only time for 8. The first guy was nice enough but just sat next to whatever girl he could get to and did not follow the rules. Gross. Are you hunting down women? Really? It was such a turn off. I can't remember any of the other guys beyond that.

There was one guy I met during the rotation and another one I met hanging out afterwards that both asked for my number. At the time they both seemed descent and I thought that I should give them a chance because this is what I came to do...I mean I didn't really expect a love-at-first-sight situation (though a romantic can hope).

To be honest, I would've settled for a I-would-sleep-with-you-now situation...but alas, not even that.

I digress... Boy 1 called me twice I think? The second time he called me at 945 on a Sunday night and I was horribly offended. I was finishing up Quant homework and was getting ready for bed because I get up at 630 in the morning! Now, I know that he prolly thought this was a descent time, but it wasn't. And he blabbered on the whole conversation and we kept having these weird awkward moments of us trying to say something at the same time and him just keep continuing to talk. He finally asked me out for coffee at the end of this convo. I told him that I was really busy this week and had a group project meeting on Sunday and that I didn't think I'd have time. THIS WAS THE TRUTH. He acted all offended, and all I thought was, if you actually listened to the two words I said you would know that I am hella (yes, i went there) busy. Seriously?! Haven't heard from him since, which is fine like I said, he didn't fall into either category above.

Guy 2 tried to be all suave. He was too intense. He asked me out that night in a way that almost made me uncomfortable. Thank God I had Theresa there as an excuse. While we were talking he shallowly tried to connect over the fact that we are both bi-racial. He then spilled word vomit all over me: "I can't tell you how many times I've slept with a girl and the next morning she's been like 'you're the first ____ I've slept with.' " serrrrrrrrrriously?! So not attractive. That does not make me want you more. It makes me want you lesssssssssss. Annnnnnnnd this guy kept calling and leaving messages. Like Hello, McFly, anybody home? I'm not answering or responding to your calls and messages. The last phone call I got from him was at 1045 at night. He was prolly drunk and either cussing me out for not calling or crying. I haven't listened to the message yet. I'm waiting for when I need a pick me up.

And that was my first experience speed dating.

What I re-learned from this.......

Lesson #1 Dealbreaker: I don't know you. I don't care about you. Don't call me after 9pm any night of the week unless we are actually dating and you know my schedule and know: (a) I want to hear your voice or (b) you know you won't be interrupting me. **

**discretion: obviously this does not apply to all my loved ones and family members.

Lesson #2: I need help knowing how to turn guys down! Any ideas? Seriously. I feel bad. Only if the guy is being a jackass to my friend can I really lite a fire. Otherwise, unless he's major douche, I make excuses for his word vomit and hopes he knows the universal sign for me not answering his phone call. *sigh*

The only thing I can think of is giving them my brother's number.

support me in relay for life!

support me in relay for life and YOUR DONATION WILL BE MATCHED!

so your five dollar donation is really a ten dollars. i know times are rough, but we all have five bucks to give, right? and what better way to give five dollars when you know it will be matched by an anonymous georgetown faculty member!

you know you want to!

25 of these annoying things don't apply to me. but i'm a lady, so you'll have to guess...

30 Annoying Things Men Assume About Women

Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry Filed in: guys
10:00AM, Friday February 26th 2010

Comments (152)

I’ll admit it’s hard to complain when a waiter automatically puts the check in front of your date or when “women and children” are evacuated first from a sinking ship. But sometimes it gets really annoying when men assume certain things about women just because we’re women. Sure, these assumptions may apply to some of us, but not the entire gender, across the board. Here are 30 annoying things that men assume about women—they came to mind instantly, because we’re complain-y like that.

Men annoyingly assume ...

1. That you want an egg white omelet, not a regular yokey delicious one, because you must be on a diet.
2. That you can’t parallel park.
3. That you’re in a bad mood because you must be getting your period.
4. That you don’t like manly alcohols like beer and whiskey.
5. That you know nothing about sports.
6. That you can’t operate a power drill.
7. That you own 10 million pairs of shoes.
8. That because you’re a single female, you want a relationship and you obviously want it with them.
9. That you’re a fan of Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon, and Julia Roberts’ movies.
10. That you have an opinion on Edward versus Jacob.
11. That you have strong feelings about anniversaries and Valentine’s Day.
12. That you want kids. Hell, that you even like kids.
13. That you’re obsessed with having a wedding.
14. That you’re already in love with them or that you fell in love with them first.
15. That you think you’re too fat.
16. That you want Diet Coke, light cream cheese, and your dressing on the side.
17. That you’re angry about something because you’re “bitter.”
18. That you always need time to put on makeup or do your hair before you leave the house.
19. That you don’t know anything about putting together Ikea furniture.
20. That you don’t know how to cook a steak properly.
21. That you can’t have sex without feelings involved.
22. That the magazine you want them to bring home for you to read when you are sick in bed is US Weekly.
23. That you hate scary movies.
24. That you’re not into watching porn.
25. That you are magically equipped with the powers of cooking and cleaning and have been since birth.
26. That you know how to sew buttons.
27. That you like “Grey’s Anatomy.”
28. That your pubic hair will always be meticulously groomed.
29. That you can’t appreciate a flat screen TV, comprehensive stereo system, and other “complex” electronic devices.
30. That you won’t want to watch the latest sci-fi, action, or horror movie.

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-30-annoyings-things-men-assume-about-women/

happy peace corps week! uganda 2007-2009

49th Anniversary of the Peace Corps

Hillary Rodham Clinton
Secretary of State

Washington, DC

March 1, 2010

---

Since 1961, the men and women of the Peace Corps have carried forward our finest traditions of service and embodied the United States’ commitment to forging partnerships and solving problems around the world. Today more than 7,600 Peace Corps volunteers from all fifty states serve in 76 countries, putting their skills and efforts to work on behalf of others. They follow in the footsteps of generations of dedicated volunteers whose hard work has changed lives, created new opportunities, and deepened understanding between cultures. Their example has inspired millions of other Americans to serve their communities through organizations here at home such as Americorps and Teach for America. And for many, the Peace Corps has been the start of a life-long commitment to service and engagement with the world. The State Department and USAID are filled with returned Peace Corps volunteers who draw on their experiences to serve our country and help build a more peaceful and prosperous world.
On this anniversary, we honor the nearly 200,000 Americans who have answered the challenge first laid down by John F. Kennedy a half-century ago and volunteered in the Peace Corps. Let us recommit ourselves to the vision they championed, the example they set and the work they began.