a revelation

This morning in the shower I had an epiphany.

With all my talk about making the same mistakes over and yadda yadda yadda...

I realized in the middle of washing my hair and massaging my brain that maybe, just maybe I still want to be able to make mistakes.

Maybe I actually want to keep making mistakes.

Maybe I want to hold on the the naivety of youth. Maybe I want to see only possibilities where I now see so many limitations.

Maybe I want to be the teenage girl I've never been and be boy crazy.

Maybe I want to believe that anything is possible! That every situation around the corner has the possibility of love, or at the very least life-changing-friendship -making-my-life-worth-while-possibilities. Maybe I want to make mistakes and learn from them. And maybe I just might want to use these learning experiences to make me a better person--for myself and for my future lovers.

I'd love to hold on to youth's child-like belief that everything happens for a reason.

...

There are a lot of maybes in this blog. And that's okay. Because I don't always have to know what I want. And a woman always reserves her prerogative to change her mind whenever she sees fit. Maybe tomorrow I'll re-calssify the types of mistakes I'm allowed to make, or make at all.

The truth is, I'm not ready to settle down. And if I'm not ready to settle down, then I'm not ready to give up on making mistakes.

So, here's to (for the time being) equating mistakes with living.